[Getting Over A Break-Up – A Step by Song Guide – pt 9 – The Gift that Keeps on Giving] 

I went through a devastating break-up a few years ago and wrote my way through it. That album, 3 AM, comes out June 10, 2016. This series is about how I got through that break up and the songs that came out of it. If you’re somewhere in the middle, hope this helps. Chin up.

Heartbreak – the gift that keeps on giving

Can a breakup be a gift in disguise? While the wrapping on mine was utter shit, it was still the best gift I ever got. Opening the box was the opposite of fun, but inside was the realization that I didn’t deserve what I’d just been handed. I didn’t know what I’d been putting up with until I wasn’t putting up with it anymore. Basically that had consisted of me begging for attention from the person who was supposed to want to spend time with me and feeling like an obligation rather than a choice. Fuck that noise.  

I didn’t know how strong my heart was until it held me through this hurt
He didn’t give me what I wanted, but I got what I deserve

I imagine it feels similar to what an addict goes through when they’re trying to kick whatever had a hold of them. Withdrawal is brutal and you’d give anything to get a hit of that thing you think you need. Then the DTs finally stop and you realize you actually feel better than you have in a long time. Huh….who knew….  

I found my feet were on the ground and they were steadier than I thought they’d be. I found that my friends and family had my back so hard that my heart still swells every time I think about it. And I found I really was pretty damn strong. I’d heard “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” a million times and understood the concept, but once I crawled through those trenches I felt that at a cellular level. I’m like Hulk goddamn Hogan over here now, y’all. 

I found my courage, found my pride
Brothers and sisters stand like warriors at my side
With my feet on solid ground, I see the blessings that abound
And I feel that fog start lifting
His leaving was a gift that keeps on giving
— -“GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING” - Kira Small - 3AM

My grandfather used to write me the most wonderful letters. (I still have a box of over 20 years worth of those gems in my closet.) When I was about 18 or 19 and probably heartbroken over some boy, he included a clipping that my grandma had cut out of the paper for me. The message it contained was so dead on and powerful that I’ve had it on my wall ever since, and its tattered corners and faded patina (as well as Grandpa’s note on the side) make it all the more beautiful.  

 

I learned ALL of that stuff. I planted my own garden. I decorated my own soul. I bought myself flowers. I endured. I learned how strong I am. I recognized and embraced my worth. But the icing on top of this multilayered cake? When I opened myself up to what I really do deserve, he showed up. And put a ring on it. THAT, my friends, is one hell of a way to win at an epic break-up. *drops mic*  

The gift I thought held only darkness – was where I saw the light
Buried beneath the pain and anger – I found the real prize

Be grateful for the gift, in spite of the shitty, awful wrapping paper. There’s gold in that box if you’re willing to see it. And that, my friend, is what you deserve.  

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